User blog:Awesomesix/Awesome Rap Battles Season 4: Explorers vs New World Leaders
Aye, I know this is early, but (before you say, no, this is not a shot at Wonder), due to Wonder's collaborations, I don't know when our battle together, which is the last of his wave, is coming out, and I have just my Christmas Special to do after this, so in order to not have the battles fall too close together, here's this I made. Yeah, enjoy. Beat: https://youtu.be/hdXPedcGI3g Key EXPLORERS Christoper Columbus Fernindand Magellan Hernan Cortes LEADERS (with pictures) Montezuma (Aztecs) Here Pachacuti (Incas) Here Pacal (Mayans) Here Battle AWESOME RAP BATTLES! OLD WORLD EXPLORERS! *Columbus, Magellan, and Cortes look through a thick bush in a jungle, noticing Pacal, Pachacuti, and Montezuma talking on a giant pyramid overlooking a vast village below.* VERSUS! NEW WORLD LEADERS! *The three notice the explorers, looking at them confused.* BEGIN! Old World Explorers: Hey, come look what I found! It’s the three feathered friends! If it isn’t peacock, Cuzco, and the local murderous heathen! Our rhymes are much hotter than the warm fur of your llamas, So surrender your pathetic lands if you do not wish for drama! Let us claim you, or we’ll maim, nay! Exterminate you! Unless you’re India, piss off! You’ve got no spice to bring, too! This’ll be easy! Three primitive men so behind on the times! This one has a calendar! Have him mark the landing of our sick rhymes! We’ll sail around your little cape and decimate your jungle masses, Bring a hell that’s yet to befall your humble trading passes! These sharp insults we’re bringing come from across Demarcation, Where your gods of massacration have no hope against our Christian nation! Even your pyramids are unoriginal! The men in Egypt did it first! Why should we save you? Don’t answer! You’ll be reduced to dirt! New World Leaders: It’s a bloody sacrifice! I take it you’re frightened of my groove, You’re here so early, guys, I scheduled “ass kicking” at noon! You seem confused. Are you lost? Here, look at my Atlatlist. Eat your heart out, Spaniards! You’ll need some patches after this. We’re not scared of Spain. Meet us in Civ 5, we’ll feed Isabella missiles! You guys are cheap shots, we need a ref, I’ll bring in my death whistles! You may have the spices, but we spit Chile, like the Andes, every day! Want a fight for land? You’ve got it! My jaguars are here to stay! You’re one to belittle date making, Magellan, please, tell us your trip! Your prediction was off by months, your men left starving on your ship! Just who is this Cortes? You’re just your fleet’s third wheel, are you not? I’m sure there’s something cool about you, but like textbooks, we forgot. Don’t get me started on Columbus, how can you ignore such a land mass? For a world famous explorer, you’d think you’d have a map, dumbass! Old World Explorers: Oh, we’re so scared! Terrace farms and Guinea pigs! Is there more? You fools are about to vanish off like your precious little condors! First, we bring you death, I am the mighty Quetzalcoatl! RAAA! (Uh…) *Several Spanish men behind the explorers appear and shoot up Montezuma, killing him.* And I hope you like the plague! For Spain! Another empire gone! *Pachacuti is infected by Columbus, causing him to develop rashes and fall dead.* We bring what scares you all, leaving no one but Pacal, Whose downfall is so mysterious, man, you didn’t need us at all! *Pacal slowly fades away, looking at his hands in horror.* While our home still stands mighty, yours have fallen to our control, I hope your aliens are ready, Pacal, because it’s time to habla español! *Sailing away, the three explorers turn to look at the pyramid again, only to see on the wall facing them, Pachacuti as a gold sculpturesimilar to this, Montezuma as a giant drawing on the wall similar to this in style, and Pacal as a stone carving similar to that on his tomb* New World Leaders: You think it’s that easy? You three men are clearly mistaken! Like all of your voyages, the wrong path you buffoons have taken! One does not simply kill off from minds some empires of our variety, Now our cultures live on! You’re seen as homicidal maniacs by society! At least Columbus got a day, oh, nevermind. It’s been replaced yet again. Magellan was killed short from his destination, and who gives a fuck about Cortes? We’re talked about as legend, theorized about and respected by all trades! We’ll never fade from history, just call it Montezuma’s revenge, hey! Alas, our rituals still enchant, beliefs and ideas we started still inspire, Call it 2012, you Spanish bastards, because your Old World has expired! WHO WON? WHO'S NEXT? TUNE IN TO FIND OUT! AWESOME! *Magellan making the weird screeching noise is heard again.* RAP BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTLES! Who won? Explorers Leaders Next battle hint: Category:Blog posts